Say Goodbye
by Sir3N
Summary: Inu Yasha's thoughts and actions post Kikyo's death.


Title: Say Goodbye  
  
Rating: PG-13 Plot Summary: Inu Yasha's thoughts post Kikyo's death. Spoilers: Basically the entire relationship between Inu Yasha and Kikyo, past and present. But no specific events and nothing that regular reader or fan wouldn't know... I hope... -.-; I also state that this is not how the series end, it just seemed to fit with to where the plot was heading. One Shot!  
  
A/N: This is my second One-Shot fanfiction, as well as my second PWP. Please R&R! And without further adieu...Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer! : I, in no way shape or form own any characters etc in relation to Inu Yasha. I also do not own any rights in the matter of Evanescence in the following songs- My Last Breath, Lies, Imaginary, Away From Me, Whisper, Farther Away, Forgive Me, I Must Be Dreaming, Forever Gone/Forever You & Tourniquet . :sniffs: The pain...  
  
Hot and Cold. To him, Kikyo was either hot or cold especially the latter. When she finally had passion in her dark brown gaze, the reason made him cringe and a small part of him to shrivel up and die. In her eyes he had seen a purely animalistic need to end his life, eliminate him from the face of this earth. So try she did and the effort of it took her life as he was forced to sleep pinned to the Gobushiki Tree, meant to stay for all eternity. Every dream he had was of her, as well as every nightmare; flashes of their last encounter and her will for only one thing. As he slept locked in this Hell, he prayed to every God and Deity to make it stop, for him to wake up to see Kikyo's face and have the pain end.  
  
"Closing your eyes to disappear You pray your dreams will leave you here But still you wake and know the truth No one's there"  
  
But as fate would have, the Inu Hanyou awoke to an unexpected Hell when all he desired was a blissful heaven. Hell's flames and fury came in the body of a young naive girl with eyes as blue as the sky and due to her familiar face and body shape, with each glance in her direction, he was hit with a sudden slide show of Kikyo. With his lover's reincarnation he allowed himself to believe that she could replace his lost love until he found the real thing once again and so he lied to himself on the inside, heart mind and soul.  
  
"Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear Sealed with lies, through so many tears Lost from within, pursing the end I fight for the chance to be lied to again"  
  
But when the truth finally was told, he felt as though he wanted to die, for all that was left was emptiness; a hollow shell of what was once was there before. Pain seemed to echo through his entire body, ringing in his bones and beating in tune with the pace of his heart. The pain cut and bruised for days, then currents of ice ran through his veins and froze over into one solid chuck of ice. Visions and memories being the only thing that managed to keep him breathing, moving and fighting. He became a zombie, neither to be considered among the living, but not of the dead as well. He existed solely in a world of dreams all his own.  
  
"In my field of paper flowers  
  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
  
I lie inside myself for hours  
  
And watch my purple sky fly over me"  
  
But slowly life began again as it always does and as much as he hoped and dreaded it wouldn't happen again, the hanyou found himself starting to care about the wellbeing of others then himself. First it was just one lone human, but slowly it became two and then three and finally four beings, each torn away from what they had known. Respect amongst them grew and developed into trust and friendship. From that something even deeper was born and molded through each act of pain they as a unit were forced to go through, physical, emotionally and mental... They became a family.  
  
...One lone demon exterminator out for revenge against her villages' murderer...  
  
...Alone, a wandering monk fights for the right to live and be rid of a family curse...  
  
...Lost and orphaned, a young kitsune dreams for the love of a family once again...  
  
...Rejected and ridiculed by both bloodlines, a hanyou struggles to find his place in the world and acceptance...  
  
...Forever hidden in the shadow of the one who came before, but with enough heart and love to bind this small band of outcasts and change theirs lives forever...  
  
"But through my tears breaks a blinding light Birthing a dawn to this endless night Arms outstretched, awaiting me An open embrace upon a bleeding tree"  
  
From the inside, he began to heal piece by piece a little bit at a time. But as the heart began to mend, the guilt ate away at his conscience and shame grew to fill the gaps. Building and building, but never coming out. It caused him to become verbally abusive toward the others, as he unknowingly broke down and massacred the young miko's heart with his amount of degradation he used against her in the from of comparing her to his former lover. Every time he said those dreaded words, he regretted speaking them as soon as they took flight from his lips, he would look into her eyes and see every emotion. They were shone as bright as the flames of a fire when they danced across the storm blue irises and reflected in his own. Pain, anguish, heartbreak to name a few and in those few moment, those few glances into Kagome's soul caused Inu Yasha more grief and shame then all that had built up in the last fifty years with Kikyo.  
  
"Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins  
  
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed  
  
I can't go on like this  
  
I loathe all I've become"  
  
As slow as the process was, whenever Kikyo came around, they found themselves back at square one once again, never changing in full circle. The hanyou in denial over Kikyo's obsession with killing Kagome, her need and desire for the other part of "her" soul, his unwillingness to admit that the young miko he had come to love with a passion that surpassed the affections in the past. Blinded and naïve to a fault, he couldn't see what was coming until it was too late.  
  
"I'm frightened by what I see  
  
But somehow I know  
  
That there's much more to come  
  
Immobilized by my fear  
  
And soon to be  
  
Blinded by tears  
  
I can stop the pain  
  
If I will it all away"  
  
It all became clear that day, the one day that started out like any other, Inu Yasha grumbling about slow humans, Miroku groping Sango, Sango slapping Miroku and Shippou watching all of this shaking his little head and muttering something about never wanting to grow up. Without ever noticing a unusual presence nearby, Inu Yasha said something stupid and ended up eating dirt, while watching the grass grow; during which his young miko stomped off furiously into the nearby forest. No more then fifteen minutes had passed before Inu Yasha's worst nightmare became his reality; the scent of Kagome's blood perfumed the air like a thick mist. Every pore and nerve stood up and screamed at him to run as hard and find her, that she had gotten into some kind of trouble. Following the smell, he leapt from a nearby tree onto the ground and found himself deep in the heart of the forest aimlessly wondering how her as a human has managed to travel this far in the short amount of time given. Sniffing around in hopes of picking up the trail, he found the scent of her blood intertwined with the lightest trace of salt. Tears, she had been crying as she ran blindly through the forest, uncaring and unknowingly toward danger. Guilt multiplied as the argument that had taken just a couple of minutes ago.  
  
"I'm numb to you - numb and deaf and blind.  
  
You give me all but the reason why.  
  
I reach but I feel only air at night.  
  
Not you, not love, just nothing.  
  
I run to you,  
  
Call out your name,  
  
I see you there, farther away."  
  
Upon following the blood to the strongest point, the bile rose in this throat and his heart seemed to pulled out of his chest as all that strength left his legs and he dropped to rest on his knees. Unable to tear his eyes from the scene before him, he took no notice that the Tetsusagia lay forgot behind him and the fact he was currently unable to feel any part of his body and all limbs refused to move. The soul seemed to seep from his very eyes as they became dead and empty, reduced to crawling, he slowly made his way on his hands and knees toward the destination among the largest trees ahead. Taking in everything, Inu Yasha took one sniff of the surrounding air to try and prove his eyes wrong only to identify the persecutor. But he could not muster the strength to will his body from the ground so her sat there at the base of the tree as rivers ran down his cheeks unashamed and her name sprang to his lips and passed as whisper as holy as Kami itself. He sat there for what seemed like hours, pleading and begging mentally until his requests became vocal.  
  
"I can't live this life  
  
Without you by my side  
  
I need you to survive  
  
So stay with me"  
  
Hours later when Sango, Miroku and Shippou finally were able to catch up with Inu Yasha, they found him residing in the same exact spot, one glance resulted in the complete break down of the entire family. Shippou's eyes became as wide as saucers before he began to chant the word "nonononoNoNoNONOOO!!" like a mantra to try to will this nightmare away and bring her back. Running forward, he launched himself at the tree past the unseeing Inu Yasha. Deep brown eyes widened as well and filled to the brim with tears as his entire body lost all stability and crumbled to the forest floor and curled into itself, as wave after wave of shaking did nothing to stem the animalistic sobs loudly erupting from deep within. Leaning heavily on his staff, the purple eyed monk shut his eyes as tears slowly began to track lines down his face as he could bear it no more and forced himself to face the other direction as he silently wept.  
  
Not what it seems  
  
Not what you think  
  
I must be dreaming  
  
Just in my mind  
  
Not in real life  
  
I must be dreaming  
  
We all live  
  
We all die  
  
That does not begin to justify you"  
  
Not far, a tall proud figure watched as the one creature he swore he loathed like a disease became a broken and defeated animal in the blink of an eye. Taking in the young miko's figure, he could not help the smallest once of pity for the poor girl. He secretly had a small amount of pride for her being one of the few willing to face his fury face on without pissing their pants. Taking one glance, he found himself whispering a pray under his breath for her soul to rest in peace. Turning away, he left as quickly as he came, finding he would never forget the image of the young miko pinned to the largest tree, a few feet of the ground by a arrow fired straight through her heart. Eyes open and gazing upward toward the open sky and lips slightly parted allowing the smallest trail of blood to trickle from the corner of her lips and pool on the ground below her. Around her waist clung the young kitsune, unmoving as he had been for the last two days.  
  
"I'll miss the winter  
  
A world of fragile things  
  
Look for me in the white forest  
  
Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)  
  
I know you hear me  
  
I can taste it in your tears"  
  
Blood red eyes, that's all that Kikyo remember as she was forced to go through death for a second time and that did not make it any last painful then that first time. Gazing into the eyes of her killer, she managed one last gasp before her vision became black and it became hard to breathe. She heard a voice," Good bye Kikyo. I hope you burn in hell where you belong..." And all was silent  
  
"There's something very wrong about this  
  
I think you knew all along somehow  
  
You'll only take me to change my mind  
  
And leave me broken and defeated  
  
So far away I see the truth  
  
I see through you  
  
Now that I know the way you play  
  
I don't want to"  
  
Returning to where Kagome hung, he leaned up on last time and pressed a kiss against lips for the first time ever before collapsing beside her. Taking one last breath and wrapped a arm around the three of them as the darkness finally took him away from this cruel world and on to meet up with his beloved again.  
  
"My wounds cry for the grave  
  
My soul cries for deliverance  
  
Will I be denied Christ  
  
Tourniquet  
  
My suicide"  
  
A/N: I have just finished my second one shot and also my second Inu Yasha fanfiction, hopefully it will do better then my last one turned out, but I guess only time with tell. Please r&r! I take both complements and constructive criticism. I reserve the right to mock and taunt all flamers as well as use the flames for what ever I wish, such as burning my trash and roasting marshmallows... Yummy! I would also like to thank my beta, JazzyCheetah, for with out her words of punishment it would have never gotten this far and my horrible grammar and spelling would have shocked you all senseless. 


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